Setting: Dempsey and I (mom) in the kitchen while I'm putting his supplements into his morning protein shake.
Dempsey: Mom, I would do this (pop supplements) if my kid had cancer.
Me: *heartbroken* Oh yeah?
Dempsey: Yeah.
Me: Then I think they would be as strong and healthy as you!
Dempsey: Yep!
-this isn't verbatim, but it is close and conveys the accurate sentiment
I don't think I can describe the feelings I have when Dempsey makes these kinds of comments. There is the part of me that is simply heartbroken that he is even having the thought of his child having cancer. There is the part of me that hates that cancer is in his wheelhouse and vocabulary now. There is the part of me that is proud of him for owning his journey and his health like he does. There is the part of me that is proud that he sees the value in what we are doing to keep him healthy and strong. There is the part of me that is worried he will never have children because of the drugs he's receiving now.
See, no matter how hard we work, how much I learn, how much success we have on this journey... there are still some serious fears that are present. We know there are long term side effects from this craptastic treatment- studies tell us that. We don't know whether or not Dempsey will be effected. We don't know how he will be effected IF he is effected.
Friends, this is one of the dark pits of this journey- not knowing. Yes, we work to walk by faith every day- every moment, really. We know the Lord is already out there in front of us on this journey but we don't know where this road leads and that can be scary. On the other hand, there is so much HOPE wrapped up in the not knowing as well. The Lord could very well be out in front of us on the path's intersection of health, happiness, cure, no lasting/ secondary side effects. As much as I would love to say that I am firmly camped in the hope of that intersection... I often find myself despairing some. Why? Because I'm exhausted. Every morning Dempsey wakes up I am overjoyed. Every time there is a pain, a discomfort, an anomaly in his health... adrenaline seethes through my veins and my blood pressure rises- all while I try to portray calm, cool, and collected on the outside. Every time we have to give him his chemo pill(s) or any other meds my heart sinks because I hate synthetic drugs and I have no choice but to give them to him and then work my butt off making sure I nourish his body so he can avoid the negative side effects. Add to all of that the fact that I am his teacher, his counselor, his mother, and I am a myriad of things to other people as well.... and you get one tired me.
In short, please keep those prayers coming! I need them. Dempsey needs them. We need them. I wish I could convey to you just how vital you are on this journey. Your prayers, your encouragement, your listening ears, you financial generosity... we would not be having the successful journey we are without YOU. Please continue to to share Dempsey's story. Every share of his story invites more people to pray and be an active part in his healing. There is power in numbers and even more power in the name of Christ.
Click here for ways to support Dempsey on his journey through cancer and treatment.
Prayer requests:
pray against negative side effects
pray for peace
pray for strength
pray for health
pray for our marriage
pray for our hearts
pray for our finances
pray as you feel led
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