Biggest Need

MONEY

It's not glamorous. It's not pretty. It's not fun. It's not creative. It's not ingenious. It's not smart. It's not comical.

It is endearing. It is powerful. It is helpful. It is necessary. It is provision. It is humbling. It is impactful. It is peace-providing.

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Saturday, May 28, 2016

Prayer for My Baby... and Us

Pray for Dempsey. He's so emotional about taking his pill tonight. He's tired. 😴 We're trying so hard to help him through this and encourage him. Jake is amazing with him. 😍
I've also noticed his hair is thinning. 😳 Nothing drastic, yet, but often when I run my hand over his head/ hair a strand or two comes with my fingers. This isn't his "normal" but it is to be expected with this treatment. 😪 Hey, if losing his hair is the worst we've dealt with so far, I think we'll take it.

Heavenly Father,
Please protect my baby. Please calm his nerves so he can take his meds. This is so hard for all of us and Dempsey handles everything with a courage we lack. No wonder you rebuked your disciples for making light of children and instead impressed upon them the importance of being "like the little ones". Please fill us with your grace and patience. Help us to trust the doctors you have placed on this journey with us. It is so hard. Please help me to lean into the knowledge you've provided for me in my holistic journey. Guide me on the right path for Dempsey. Amen

Friday, May 27, 2016

Pixels

A Roller Coaster

Y'all, this journey is a roller coaster, for sure!! One minute it's all giggles and the next it's stress. One minute you have friends over saying "hi" and the next you have to go inside because you've had as much people time as you can for the day (because of no immune system). One minute there's stress because the pill isn't going down and the next it's all joyous high-fives, bear hugs, and loud cheers because THE PILL WENT DOWN!!

So far, the biggest take away of this journey is: you must be in the present.
You see, if you spend even one second too many thinking about what's ahead darkness creep in and then you expend way too much energy trying to fight that beast back. If you take your focus of the Lord's blessings (however small) the darkness creeps in again and you waste precious energy fighting it. If you try to plan and something goes amiss, frustration opens the door for the darkness and you feel as though you have to fight it with your hands tied behind your back.

BUT, when you keep your focus in the now it's easy to be joyful, happy, dare I say content... When I say the now I mean the very moment you are breathing in. It's being mostly focused on what is at hand and only slightly considering what needs to happen next. It becomes about making a list and only tackling one thing at a time and in sequence. Men can do this with ease. Women? Ha! Mothers? Double ha! So, can you begin to comprehend the growth that is going on inside this mama? A lot, let me tell you. And it is hard? Tough? Painful? Refining? Not quite sure a word exists to accurately describe it. The closest might be sanctifying. Ouch.

I wish you all could have seen what took place when Dempsey FINALLY got the first half of the pill down. He raced out of the kitchen (like and old man who'd won the lottery) to Sawyer, almost in tears, to hug him and hear brother's congratulations. It was precious! *heart* Sawyer is always so good about encouraging Dempsey in these moments. As Dempsey walked over to me he was excited but I could tell his emotions had run away with him and he was kinda empty. A good empty. The kind of empty when you've just had the most awesome experience complete with an adrenaline rush and then the adrenaline is gone and you're wiped. He was the sweetest combination of proud, relieved, and stressed. Welcome to a 4 year old swallowing chemotherapy pills.

Jake took Dempsey to his two appointments today. First with the ENT follow-up. Dr. Houx gave him the all clear and set a six month follow-up and suggested a hearing test in the future. Praise God for answered prayers (in the affirmative). He rid Dempsey's body of that nasty mastoiditis and there appears to be no lingering damage. Amen!
The second appointment was his infusion of chemo at the CHOC Clinic. He had Charmaine for his nurse again. He likes her. She adores him. Well, they all do. While at the clinic he also had labs drawn since it's a long weekend and this chemo tends to make their counts drop. Dr. Huynh wanted that done- so, they got it done.

This morning at the last Friday School, Sawyer was given the Sportsmanship Award for 3rd Grade PE. So proud of our boy!! We are not surprised that he received this award, simply because of WHO Sawyer is. This award was the perfect thing to bring focus onto Sawyer during a season of life where it's Dempsey who is in the lime light and often seems like the sole focus of life. We work really hard to try and make Sawyer's life as normal as possible... some days we do better than others.
Today marks the end of Sawyer's 3rd grade year! How did that happen? On to 4th grade which brings a new school and new experiences. He is excited.

A friend brought us El Pollo Loco for dinner. It was a wonderful last-minute blessing for which we are truly grateful. It was encouraging to see her and her boys for a little while- those boys are growing so fast!


Please pray over the next few weeks of Dempsey's treatment. He has multiple LPs (lumbar punctures), multiple chemo infusions, many visits to clinic, etc.
Pray that his numbers remain high and steady.
Pray for no complications from the LPs or ANY part of treatment.
Pray against fevers.
Pray against pain.
Pray against complications.
Pray for travel mercies.
Pray for Dempsey and this swallowing pills business.
Pray for him to be interested in activities besides technology.
Pray protection over our family.
Pray our medical insurance issues get resolved in a timely and positive manner.
Pray against negative side effects of these drugs.
Pray that Dempsey will get restorative rest each night.
Pray against worry and fear.
Pray against stress and angst.
Pray for calm.
Pray for us to be ever-presently focused.
Pray as you feel led.


WE LOVE YOU AND ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOU- ALL OF YOU!!!!

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Chick fil-A Fundraiser: June 7th from 5-8pm @ Chick fil-A La Habra Marketplace

Thursday, May 26, 2016

A Few Images

Today Was A Good Day

Today was a good day.

Dempsey had infusion at 3:30 this afternoon. Sawyer came with us. While Dempsey was being infused, he played on the iphone because the staff couldn't locate the PlayStation 3 game Lego Indiana Jones 2. Boo hoo. Sawyer spent this time in the Infusionarium. I'll do a post with photos.

While we were there Dempsey's primary oncologist, Dr. Huynh, stopped by. She said he looked great and that he should be doing ads for companies like Gap, Hollister, and beyond. When I suggested Old Navy, because that's where we actually shop, she shook her head no and said "No, no... he needs to go higher!" We chuckled.

Daddy did pill time with Dempsey tonight. It went well. It still took SEVERAL attempts but only ONE phase. Each time he swallowed a piece of the pill he ran out to Sawyer and I in the living room and announced his success. We were there waiting to cheer him on with words and high-fives. Lots of joy and pride dancing around this house tonight.

The boys took a detoxifying bath tonight. We will incorporate these two times a week. Dempsey NEEDS these baths to help his body/ cells release the toxins that are being put into his body. We want those drugs in and quickly out! Thank you, so much, whoever you are that blessed our family with a HUGE bag of epsom salt and a set of Bob's Red Mill aluminum-free baking soda from our Amazon List! We are gonna need more baking soda in about two weeks. *wink, wink*

Take a gander at the next post for photos from today.


Prayer requests:
Pray for a positive meeting with Dr Houx from ENT tomorrow- a long-awaited follow-up appointment to address Dempsey's mastoiditis
Pray against fevers
Pray against nausea
Pray against negative side effects
Pray for small miracles all along the way
Pray for miraculous/ spontaneous healing
Pray for perfect numbers/ results from all tests
Pray for favor with scheduling throughout this journey
Pray for wisdom
Pray for a Kingdom perspective and attitude
Pray protection over our boys
Pray protection over our marriage
Pray as you feel led

WE LOVE YOU AND ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOU- ALL OF YOU!!!!

Amazon List   Origami Owl Fundraiser (2 days left!)
Chick fil-A Fundraiser: June 7th from 5-8pm @ Chick fil-A La Habra Marketplace

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Mercies for Today

Your prayers ARE being answered affirmatively!

Today my main goal was to be PRESENT in each moment and not allow myself to drift into the future beyond what I had to be aware of. I prayed for that. You prayed for that. I was able to accomplish said task because of a merciful and prayer-answering God.

Tangent: When I say a "prayer-answering God" that's coming from a selfish place. A place where I want him to answer my prayers with a "yes" and not a "no". However, "no" is also a valid, albeit unpleasant, answer from an omniscient Father. Sometimes we parents tell our kids "no" when the answer they want to their plea is "yes". We know better. Just as God knows better. I am working to lean into HIS knowing better. It's hard. Tangent, done.

As I woke up, I heard sounds of Dempsey spitting up. I found Jake sitting with him on the couch and one of those lovely green disposable puke catchers. It was a small amount and Dempsey didn't really seem too bothered by it. Praise God.

Jake went in to work around lunch time. That's when the boys and I left to go hang out with Granddad (my dad). I dropped the boys off and did a quick run to Vons to get the "props" for tonight's adventures in pill taking- wide straws and Jello. I didn't know which method was going to work so I bought for both. Keep reading to find out which one won.

Dempsey, Sawyer, and I went to the CHOC clinic for Dempsey's 2:30 appointment. He had Charmaine as his nurse again. I'm not sure who was more excited. We saw Bonnie, per usual, and Dana. Some "oooo-ing" and "aaahhhhhh-ing" over my boys. Makes a mama's heart happy.

Infusion went smooth. Boys played PlayStation to pass the time. Sawyer got to meet two arena football players from LA KISS. I love how these people and activities are for the patients but our patient isn't interested. So, big bro scores and enjoys the frills. Whatever works.

Dempsey slept on the drive home and was eager to play once we got home.

Today there have been no negative side effects, aside from that little incident in the early morning. Praise God.

We are still trying to find out things that work for Dempsey and us in this phase of treatment.

Lots of technology. This is hard to swallow but it's for a season. We'll try to walk this back once treatment is over. Survival mode looks different for each family.

So, how did the pill taking go tonight? Well.... IT WENT GREAT! Not perfect, but great. It took SEVERAL attempts and TWO phases but he got a whole pill down. Jell-O for the win, folks. Thanks, Georgi, for the instructions and advice. I split the pill into fourths. I stuck a fourth in a spoonful of Jell-O. He got the first two down no problem. The third started causing problems. So, we stopped. I told him to go play more wii with Sawyer and we would try again later. Yesterday I didn't know you could do that. I know a lot more today than I did yesterday. Profound, right? Anyway, when Jake text me saying he was headed home, I told Dempsey that we'd show Daddy how awesome he was at taking pills. It still took a few attempts while Daddy was cheering him on but man-o-man did we celebrate when that last fourth was down the hatch!

Now, everyone is off to bed.


Prayer requests:
Pray against fevers
Pray against nausea and vomiting
Pray against negative side effects
Pray for courage
Pray for confidence
Pray for wisdom
Pray for miraculous healing
Pray for spontaneous healing
Pray for perfect results of every test
Pray against discomfort
Pray for sound sleep every night
Pray that we find the right rhythm
Pray that Dempsey can articulate what he feels/ thinks
Pray for calm nerves
Pray protection over our marriage and connection between us
Pray protection over Sawyer- last night was really hard on him (when I lost my cool with the pill taking)
Pray as you feel led


WE LOVE YOU AND ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOU- ALL OF YOU!!!!

Chick fil-A Fundraiser: June 7th from 5-8pm @ Chick fil-A La Habra Marketplace

Pics of Today's Mercies

Currently

Dempsey is doing well today. I woke up to him spitting up but it wasn't a lot and surely wasn't traumatizing for him- praise God!
I am so weak today. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep but that is not an option.
Dempsey has chemo again today at 2:30. At his appointment I will talk about methods for teaching him how to swallow pills and if there is a liquid form of this chemo he can't swallow... there HAS to be an option because little ones can't swallow pills...

Please pray for energy for me. Please pray that God props me up and solidifies my steps. I am tired.
Pray for Dempsey. Pray for miraculous healing. Pray for effective alternatives.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Falling Apart

Dempsey MUST swallow pills for treatment.
He cannot.
But he must!
He cannot.
I failed him. I did not prepare, practice, teach, coach him ahead of time. Now it's game time and he can't do it.
But he MUST.
So angry and frustrated, I threw the glove off, rushed out of the house slamming the door and uttering the "f" word in gerund form with a negative spin. Not my finest hour but one that speaks of truth and reality for me.
Terrified isn't visible in the rearview mirror... that's how beyond it I am.
I walked around my neighborhood, sobbing, and asking God "WHY?!?!?!" My eyes are off the prize and fear has taken root. God, forgive me.
I'm falling apart.
#prayfordempsey #prayfordempseysparentstoo #godisgood #waroncancer

I'm Angry

The world just needs to take a seat today. I am angry, and I believe it is a righteous anger. My baby is en route to CHOC, again, to begin the next phase of "treatment". Treatment, what a joke. The "standard of care" for cancer is chemo or radio therapies- two things that are known to cause cancer! Why is this so? Why are we treating cancer with toxins instead of immune-boosting therapies?

I'm not an expert on cancer. I'm a nutritionist.

There is POWER in the natural world... why isn't that being harvested, researched, and utilized. This is where I become what many would call a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe the ultimate goal of these therapies is health. I believe it's wealth.

I began watching the documentary series The Truth About Cancer. It tells me that which I already know and more. If you haven't watched it, I BEG YOU TO DO SO. Educate yourself. You will be better for it and those that you love will be better for it. Warning: it will make your blood boil as you learn about the dark side of healthcare.

Even more, my hands are tied when it comes to "treating" Dempsey. If I say no to their proposed plan I run a very great risk of losing Dempsey. Enjoy some reading from the American Medical Association Journal of Ethics. Spoiler alert: it basically states that parents must follow the "medical professional's" advice because they (the doctors) are recognized "experts". Experts?! They have one-sided knowledge! Why is that side any better than the other side where there are also plenty of "experts"?

This is a HUGE soapbox for me. I make no apologies.

Do I believe doctors are evil? No. Do I believe doctors have the best of intentions? Yes, most of them. Do I believe they have a well-rounded education? Not in the least. This is not a post that is anti-doctor. This IS a post that is pro- looking at other possible ways to treat cancer. This is a post, by a mother, who wants to protect and heal her baby.

Prayer requests:
Pray for miraculous healing for Dempsey so that his body may be spared the torture that is chemotherapy
Pray that as the chemo runs through his body EVERY SINGLE ORGAN of Dempsey's is protected
Pray that EVERY VEIN is protected
Pray that EVERY ARTERY is protected
Pray that EVERY NERVE is protected
Pray that his stomach is never made to be upset
Pray that we can strengthen him with nutrition to combat the side effects of chemo
Pray that only cancer cells are effected
Pray against fevers
Pray against side effects
Pray against fear (for all of us)
Pray for wisdom
Pray for miraculous breakthroughs
Pray for my mind
Pray for our marriage
Pray for communication
Pray for clear thought
Pray that we will ask the right questions
Pray for favor from the Lord
Pray for strength
Pray for our support structure- we need it in a BIG way for a LONG time
Pray as you feel led

Monday, May 23, 2016

Hit Your Knees, Please

PRAY! Please pray over EVERY organ in Dempsey's body as he goes through this next phase. The drugs are TOXIC & TERRIFYING!! Pray that the chemo moves through his veins leaving them unharmed and demolishing ALL the cancer cells. Pray that the chemo pumps through his heart leaving it untouched but killing ALL the cancer cells. Pray that every single nerve of Dempsey's will remain in tact and unaffected by these toxins. Pray that his spinal column will be strong and impenetrable to cancer cells. Pray for MIRACULOUS healing of Dempsey's body. Pray that his brain will stay strong and active. Pray his kidneys filter out the chemo without being compromised in any way. Pray protection over his liver... his muscles... his joints... his hearing... HIS WHOLE BODY!
#prayfordempseykenagy #prayerworks #godisgood #prayfordempseysparentstoo