What About Brother?

Our first born turns >>9<< on Wednesday! T minus 2 days...

It is such an honor to be Sawyer's parent. He is just about the sweetest, most disarming child I've ever known. He is a myriad of wonderful characteristics. I won't start listing them because I will forget some and they will be important ones. :-)

This journey that Dempsey is on, that we are all on, is making it harder to celebrate our amazing Sawyer. With Dempsey being so immune-compromised we cannot have people over. We cannot go anywhere as a family (to play or eat). There can be no bouncer because we just can't bear to tease Dempsey like that. It would be special to do a family movie night... except that is every night right now.

I know that there are some who feel we should just celebrate Sawyer regardless of whether or not Dempsey could partake in the celebration but we are not those people. We do things as a family. As it is we were considering a Legoland trip with just Sawyer and Jake because Dempsey can't go and if we wait much longer it won't be worth it for Sawyer (or as enjoyable the older he gets).

We had been trying to make that work for this Thursday but we found out this morning we now have a meeting at CHOC regarding Dempsey's results from this morning's biopsy and the plan for the Consolidation part of treatment. So, Legoland is out for this week. Jake is considering returning to work so that going to severely limit the time and possibility for a Legoland trip. This is frustrating. I want so bad to celebrate Sawyer in that way and the reality of Dempsey's condition is making it really hard. So many appointments. So many schedules to reference. So much importance placed on Dempsey and what he needs right now... and rightly so. It just breaks my heart. One, that we're having to live this nightmare and two, that Sawyer's life is impacted in so many ways as well.

I want to go back to NORMAL!!

Sawyer is an incredible brother. He knows Dempsey's condition is serious. He's also a child big brother. He's a putz. He pushes Dempsey's buttons just because. He is, in this way, a typical older brother. That's all well and good except that Dempsey's cancer has pretty much wiped out just about all of the too-small fuse I already had. How do you make a nine year old understand that you still love and adore him but that he isn't the main focus right now? This is hard. He is a wonderful kid and he should be celebrated. Why am I so afraid that him having a few super low-key birthdays is going to ruin his life? I know it won't. I know that he'll probably end up better for it because he gets to learn that there are times other people are just more important. This is giving us plenty of teachable moments. Moments to talk about selflessness, consideration, denying self, contentment, joy, and a bunch of other topics that will shape our boy into an even better MAN.

It's just hard to feel like you're failing one son as you fight for the other's life.

A few of you have blessed Sawyer already by choosing something off his Amazon list. THANK YOU FOR THAT!! Those lists have been life savers and blessings.

The plan: a family dinner at the only other safe place that's not CHOC- Granny and Granddad's house. We will play board games and wii games. We will eat an early dinner and open presents. We are praying that we can make a simple celebration show our deep love to our Sawyer.

Prayer requests:

Pray that we will be gracious

Pray that Sawyer will gain wisdom and understanding

Pray that his heart will be protected

Pray that Dempsey will not come out of this a spoiled brat (something we are working hard to avoid)

Pray that we will find the right balance of celebration and acknowledgement

Pray as you feel led