God's Provision

When I find myself in the midst of circumstances that seem surreal and unbearable, I work to look back to see God's handiwork in preparing me for the situation at hand.  So, that's what this post is going to be about- what I see as I look back over the years leading up to Dempsey's cancer journey.

Going WAY back, I remember always having reservations about doctors. Something inside me just did not understand the logic behind synthetic drugs being used for "healing". Still don't. That feeling helped me avoid antibiotics and over the counter pain meds for the little aches and sickies. Don't get me wrong, when I hit a deep depression I jumped on Zoloft and found immense relief, on the lowest dosage no doubt. Granted, after finding NeoLife supplements and fixing elements of my diet I haven't needed a SSRI again. Beautiful. Regardless of my inklings, I do believe modern medicine has it's place. I just don't believe it should be the end all be all of "healthcare". I believe in a more holistic approach to health and wellness. Keep reading to see how this helped prepare me for today.

Almost four years ago my knee was giving me so much trouble. An old high school injury had gone undiagnosed too long. My knee was always swollen, I couldn't sit criss cross, I was starting to lose mobility and functionality. Not a good place to be when you have two small children. A long-time friend of mine had recently jumped into a nutrition journey all her own. This journey landed her in NeoLife with Louis Smith as a guide. What a guide!! Why is Louis important to MY journey? Well, #1 he's an incredible man of God... #2 he knows a thing or two about nutrition... #3 he had leukemia! Hello! I'd heard his story dozens of times. Each time just as mesmerizing as the first. Knowing he had been diagnosed in his 20s, went through modern medicine's treatment for leukemia, having doctors tell him to get his affairs in order because there was nothing more they could do. Keep in mind, he has a new wife and an even newer baby. He got mad. He got educated... learning about cancer, its causes, what feeds it, etc. He also started learning about nutrition and what impact it had on health... and cancer. Long story shorter, he changed his lifestyle (food, cleaning products, toiletries, etc) and 20+ years later he is still cancer free and bounces around the world sharing the power of nutrition with more gusto than a 5 year old with an Evel Knievel complex.

Shortly after joining NeoLife and getting to know Louis a 14 year old girl we homeschool with was diagnosed with Pre B Cell ALL (Dempsey's leukemia). I remember feeling sad for this family, scared for this girl, and yet hopeful that I could offer some help because of Louis and his experience/ knowledge. I invited the girl's mom, Jessica, via her friend, Melissa, to my house to hear Louis speak about nutrition and his story. Both ladies joined NeoLife that night and I helped get Jessica's family juicing to help her daughter. Why do I think this belongs in my post about God's provision? Because Jessica is now helping me walk the leukemia journey. She has been a strong shoulder for me to lean on and a knowing ear to listen. It's a different kind of comfort when you know the other person on the phone understands the myriad of numbers you're spewing and the new jargon you're learning. She is also the wise sage who warns me that it's gonna get worse before it gets better. God knew I would need her in this way so he made sure to cross our paths years ahead of time. Even though Jessica and I were not close friends, there is still a connection that spans several years. Plus, when you're in the Body of Christ together, quantity doesn't equal quality. You have a bond that is clear whether you tap into it often or not. It's a beautiful thing. By the way, her daughter is 17 now, beautiful, vibrant, healthy, and thriving. Jessica's daughter is a picture of hope that I cling to every day... every time I feel like this journey is swallowing me whole.

Another homeschooling treasure is Vanessa. From the moment I met her I felt an instant connection. Maybe it's the way she is heart and soul sold out for the Lord and speaks in such a way. Maybe it's the way she lavishes her gift of hospitality on people that makes me wish that was my gifting (it's totally not). More than those, though, I think it is the way she is transparent, real, open, broken and knows it. She and I have had wonderful discussion covering many topics. I simply don't connect in this way with people very often. Another of God's provisions. You see, her son walked a rough cancer journey at the very hospital we're at with some of the doctors we're with now. Vanessa is another mama who gets it. She even remembers the drugs her oldest baby (he's 18 now) took all those years ago. Her journey was long and terrifying. Her son was a medical anomaly. Praise God he is alive today and headed off to college. But that doesn't undo the very dark and scary path they walked when he was a child. Her journey has made her an important confidant for me in this journey. Priceless. Selfless love and support. Why did God connect me and Vanessa all those years ago? Simple, He knew I would need her and that I needed to trust her. She and I have had years to build a trust and a connection. Again, it's not about the amount of time you spend with a person... it's the type of time you spend with a person. Also, she is a part of NeoLife too. I worked with her aunt and mother awhile back on nutrition and supplementation.

So far these are all connected via nutrition. Three of the four points above have a cancer/ leukemia connection. There's more...

For several years, as I would hold my boys' hands and pray at bedtime, I would pray these words "...Please give this family a united Kingdom purpose. Draw us together and help us to be salt and light to this world..." Um, is there anything more uniting than a family member fighting for their life? Have you ever seen the Body of Christ mobilize as fast, as constant, as divine as you are witnessing right now? Lord knows I haven't. I mean, I've seen the Body move before but perhaps it's seems so grandiose this time because my family is at the center. Regardless, it is beautiful. It is AWEsome. It has God's fingerprints all over it. Maybe I should add "be careful what you pray for"... as if God lets OUR clarifiers get in the way of HIS plan.

Three years ago I was introduced to essential oils. doTERRA to be precise. Another bit of God's provision. Experiencing and learning about the powerful properties God placed within them has helped my family maintain a level of holistic living that wouldn't quite be as effective or efficient without them. Every drop powerful enough to service every single cell in your body. Scientific evidence to support them impacting cells in such ways as to help the body heal itself. These little gems are gonna find themselves getting a workout as we make some BIG change to our lifestyle soon.

Last year I started meeting a dear, dear friend every other Tuesday at a local cafe. What a gift. She has been Paul to my Timothy... a spiritual guide, if you will. Together we process all sorts of topics, some biblical, some not. She is a beautiful woman whom I love and value deeply. That being said, amid one of our chats (April 29th, I believe), I commented how I felt that being raised in a Christian home, always going to church, always being around Christians, never struggling, never suffering, never overcoming BIG life obstacles... I felt it made me not appreciate the redemption Christ offers and encapsulates. I knew God existed. I believed Christ was my savior. I just never really needed him. I told my friend, Ellen, this and she said that although my eternity was secure (acceptance of Christ) I hadn't really experienced sanctification (where you realize redemption is necessary). This was a powerful idea to me. I hadn't really seen my spiritual life in that light before. I think I even mentioned, "I want that." Meaning I wanted to KNOW that I was redeemed... I wanted to KNOW that God was the only answer. Then BAM! Five days later we begin this current journey. See, be careful what you pray for. Suffice it to say I now know that God is the only answer. There is no way we would be standing as we are now if he wasn't the orchestrator of this life. It's a beautiful thing because there is peace when there should be none. There is hope when there should be none. There is faith when there should be none. There is favor where there should be none. There is provision when there should be none. There is support when there should be none. There is strength (sometimes fleeting) when there should be none. Friends, the only time you get something when there is nothing... is when God is involved!

Last year was also the year I started my certification to become a Holistic Nutritionist. Would y'all believe that I received my certification one month, almost to the day, before this journey started? God was preparing my mind and our life for this journey. Because of my education, I have a foot to stand on when it comes to helping Dempsey beat the odds and lessen the side effects of this treatment. Yes, shock and fear overpowered me in April but no longer. We will be making BIG changes for this journey. Stay tuned... that's another post altogether.

Lets talk about God's provision in regards to our nurses. Beautiful creatures, female and male, each answering a calling placed on their hearts. One evening at shift change, a tall brunette female walks in wearing a mask (Dempsey was in isolation so everyone wore masks). I could see her hair, her eyes, and hear her voice. When she started going through the shift change rigmarole something in my switched on. My ears perked up and I tuned out what she was saying. When she was finished she asked "Is there anything you need?" I asked for her name. She gave it. I asked if she was married. She said she was. I asked for her maiden name. She gave it. I said something like "You went to Rancho Starbuck, didn't you?" People! I hadn't seen this woman in TWENTY-ONE years! We went to junior high together. I mean, we weren't even Facebook friends... like ever. That's how not connected we were post Jr High. We weren't even close while in Jr High. When I gave her my maiden name lights went off for her too. Spooky, right?! Well, she was on our staff a few times while we were inpatient and it was special to connect and catch up each time. Why her? I don't know. I do know there was peace when she was there. It's amazing how having history, long ago history, with someone from your youth/ childhood can provide such peace.
Another nursing angel is Katie. She's a friend's cousin. Sweet Christian woman who prayed for us each time she was part of our staff and even when she wasn't. She'd peek in just to make sure we were doing all right when we weren't in her charge. So much comfort when you know there is a staff member who is willing to pray with and for you.

Season Johnson. Learned of her by accident? I think not. What seemed like a casual name drop turns out to be a guiding light in a very dark tunnel. I am hoping to connect with her, personally, but until then I am going to stalk her blog(s) and mimic everything she has done and is doing for her son, Kicker. What she is doing speaks directly to the Holistic Nutritionist and essential oil enthusiast in me. God is working to fill me up again. Pray that I will be strong and remain determined through this part of the journey. Dempsey needs me to.

So, in closing, I would like to say... God is faithful. He is here. He is there. This post is about looking back to see his presence and provision. My goal is this: use the rear view mirror to see His faithfulness so that I will know that I can trust Him to be faithful out in front with what's to come.

Prayer requests:
Pray for miraculous healing
Pray for PERFECT numbers/ results
Pray for NO SIDE EFFECTS
Pray for no pain
Pray for no fevers
Pray for me to be diligent, strong, and firm with the new lifestyle we MUST live
Pray for Divine connections as we need them
Pray for Jake- he needs rest and health
Pray for Dempsey- this is hard and scary and losing control is never easy
Pray for Sawyer- life is a bit complicated right now no matter how "normal" we try to keep it
Pray for easy/ smooth procedures
Pray God's blessing over us
Pray for our support structure- we need it to remain strong for years
Pray that I will not fail Dempsey
Pray for those who have not come to grips with this reality
Pray for medical billing to be worked out accurately and quickly
Pray for wisdom- doctors, us, anyone we are in contact with
Pray for faith
Pray for strength- we may look strong... but our bodies betray us in many ways
Pray against worry- it's hard to not think on the future what ifs
Pray as you feel led