Round Two

Tomorrow at 8:45am we leave to move into CHOC again. Another 4 days
and 3 nights where our 5 year old baby will be accessed (needle in
chest) and hooked up to his "power tower" with a high dose of chemo
being infused over 24 hours followed by 48+ hours of fluids.

The last time Dempsey was in-patient it went super well. So why is my
emotional ship being tossed amongst the waves of anxiety? My sage
spiritual mentor tells me "it's because the mama bird is packing up
her baby to leave the nest... which we are not designed to do". She is
so right. I don't want my baby away from the "nest", away from me. I
don't want my family apart, at all, ever. This whole thing is
unnatural and flies in the face of Creation as it was meant to be.

Still, we have been called to this mission and all the fields that
takes us to. Our Creator believes we are the ones best suited to walk
this journey. By suited, I mean we are teachable, obedient, capable,
and HE has given us a support structure (all of YOU) to walk this
journey with. We are grateful.

My mama heart is still breaking right now. Tears streaming because I
don't want to go. I don't want to walk this journey anymore. I don't
care who it's touching or helping... I want our "normal" life back.
Forgive me while I grieve it... again... and again... and again, until
the Lord removes this thorn from my side.

Until you have had your life's carpet pulled from beneath your feet,
you can't understand the pain of people taking their "normal"
every-days for granted. It's still hard somedays to see people's lives
moving forward in the direction we WERE headed. I'm grieving the loss
of the life I planned. It's not a pretty process folks. Along with
that grief is the very real insertion of PTSD into my life. The
slightest thing looks askew for Dempsey and my mind races, flooded
with the what-ifs and worry that go back to the day we were told our
baby has cancer. It sucks.

Trust me, I am trying so hard to be positive because there is MUCH to
be positive about. Want proof?
•Currently (I started this post at 4:45pm) my boys are play-fighting,
laughing, splashing, and trash-talking in our pool. It's glorious!
•We go back to a place where the staff ADORES Dempsey and tells us
they've missed us.
•We have yet another opportunity to be salt & light to people who are
searching for HOPE in this life... hope that is only found in Christ-
the very reason we are not curled up in the fetal position, sucking
our thumbs on the floor.
•The spiritual seeds we planted in April (and in each consecutive
visit) require tending, which we get to do ourselves. It is beautiful
to see God's fingerprints on the nouns of this journey.
•Relationships we've built get to be nurtured as well. These people
REALLY love Dempsey and truly desire to help him beat leukemia. I have
to remember they are NOT the enemy, no matter how much I believe their
profession has missed the true mark.
•Each visit grows my audience- I have more, and new, opportunities to
share about God, nutrition, essential oils and how I believe they are
all helping Dempsey have the best possible cancer journey ever.
•My husband and I have another chance to be an example of what a
healthy marriage looks like. We can show a partnership that is growing
in its ability to utilize the strengths of both Jake and myself. We
are able to model self-care, what it is and why it's important. We are
able to be a picture of stability in an increasingly unstable world.
•This is another opportunity for us to model all sorts of things for
our boys. Things like: faith, biblical marriage, commitment, teamwork,
trust, communication, prayer, respect, love, sanctification,
submission, self-control, joy, peace, kindness, patience, gentleness,
goodness, obedience, education, perspective etc.
•Familiar faces make these times better.
•Chances to flex our "right perspective" muscles. This journey is not
just about Dempsey or our family... it is about EVERY SINGLE PERSON
who has been touched by Dempsey's story. THAT is part of the
over-arching story of God redeeming HIS creation. We may not like the
part he has assigned us, but it is part of a beautiful story
nonetheless.

So, I will sit with my unease and grieve what I can for the time. Then
I will suit up and march on because I have my orders and your prayers.
I was blessed to spend time with TWO of my "quarters" this evening.
The Lord knew I needed to be filled with community before beginning
this week. He is so gracious to provide for what we need, even if we
don't know what we need.

Prayer requests:
pray for miraculous healing
pray against negative side effects
pray for a positive experience
pray we are on the same part of the 5th floor we know and value
pray for opportunities to be salt and light
pray protection over ever part of Dempsey's body
pray that our boy will defy medical odds and rock their world
pray for peace
pray for strength
pray that Coral will have mental rest
pray for calm emotions
pray for fun memories
pray for unique experiences
pray that Dempsey meets all of his "number" requirements (pee volume,
and a rapidly decreasing chemo level in his body)
pray for restful nights
pray for energy and laughter
pray over the medical staff and their families
pray as you feel led

May God bless you expnentially beyond how you have blessed us.