Still A Prodigal (About Dempsey's Mom)

Some thoughts from a mother, a woman, a broken human on a journey of sanctification (which is more acutely focused since leukemia entered her world)...

I've been a Christian a long time, most of my almost-37 yrs. My faith has grown since marriage, motherhood, and it took an exponential leap upward with Dempseys leukemia diagnosis.

Yet, I still feel like a prodigal child. I still find myself filling with hate... anger... judgement... and a host of other not-very-pretty characteristics. When I take a moment to survey my surroundings, as I notice my joy levels diminishing, I often find that I have wandered off the Path. I have wandered outside of my Father's protection. I find myself standing in the scorching rays of my self-sufficiency, slathered in layers of control instead of surrender.

I blame the PTSD and the myriad of external triggers I cannot control but that only takes me so far. At some point I have to acknowledge the sinner within... the one who is prone to wander... the need to control what I swore to just leave at the Cross.

I hate that my sin nature is as strong as it is. I feel so weak so often. I had no clue how broken I was/ am. So thankful for Jesus blood and a God who can still use this broken vessel to advance HIS kingdom and spread love... even if it's in smaller doses than I'd like.

Because I'm so broken and I've seen so many valleys, I am increasingly grateful for the Cross. Grateful for Jesus' complete and total obedience. Why can't I wake up and surrender my days to that reality? Why is it so hard to just REST in the Lord? Why can't I completely trust Him and His plan? Why do I feel like I need to be a more of a celebrity in my life than a humble servant?

Man! I am excited about moving to a new place. There is something about new that holds so much potential and promise. I am hoping to be more intentional about so many things when we are settled in our new environment.

Thank you for reading.

July Update

Dempsey had an infusion on July 3rd.

Dempsey has his last CHOC lumbar puncture/ procedure day July 31.

He lost another tooth (#4, I think).

We had family photos taken by our friend, Kristen.

We sold Dempsey's therapy tryke to another oncology family.

Dempsey's counts/ labs have all been great! Praise God.

There have been no treatment hiccups, no things for concern.

Dempsey receives acupuncture 2x per week right now with Dr Ruth at Open Mind Modalities in Orange. If you're local, you should go there!

Dempsey has been having fun with friends and people at church (Grace EV Free La Mirada) for several months. He and Sawyer attended their Adventure Week recently and had a blast.


The future:
Dempsey will most likely turn 7 in Idaho.

Dempsey will continue treatment with St Luke's Children's in Boise, ID. He has a meet 'n greet with his new ONC on Aug 22 and his first infusion there Aug 28.

Catching You Up

Wowsers! I can't believe I haven't done an entry since February. Yikes. I'm so sorry.

There isn't a lot to share, praise God. This journey continues to be pretty uneventful, smooth, and full of blessings from heaven.

Let me try and recap...

FEBRUARY:
He had a procedure the week following his visit to the ER for that fever.


We said "good-bye" to our Lakota kitty.


We enjoyed learning/ playing a new game - DownSpin.


Sawyer was blessed with a few items off his Amazon wish list.

The boys experienced releasing doves at school.


We helped at our church's food bank.


The boys have so much fun on the trampoline!



MARCH:
Dempsey had his Make A Wish interview. It went well and it appears Dempsey is headed for a Disney cruise. However, we have had zero communication from Make A Wish since his interview.


We had a fun family trip to Knott's Berry Farm.

He got another cat scratch but it was superficial and didn't land him in the ER again, thanks to God.

WE GOT A PUPPY! Her name is Saoirse (SEER-shuh) and it is Irish for "liberty" or "freedom".

We attended our second NEGU Gala.

APRIL

Saoirse continues to grow and so does our love for her.

We visited the Fullerton Arboretum.

There was a wedding.

MAY

we marked the 10th annivesary of my aunt's murder, our family's tragedy.

Another lumbar puncture.

A birthday party for Sawyer - #11!!

Dempsey loses his FIRST TOOTH (at Sawyer's party).

More Sawyer birthday fun with a friend, mini golf, lunch, and froyo.

More time with Tucker Endemano... teensie nephew (for now).

Mother's Day...

Acupuncture at Open Mind Modalities in Orange.

An ever-growing puppers.

And we closed out the school year with Called 2 Home co-op. 5th grade and 1st grade are in the books.

There's so much more to share...! I'll share the pics without any commentary. :-)

A Disneyland trip. Pool time with friends and a puppers in the pool. National Donut Day celebrated with a trip to Krispy Kreme. Fun as a pack at La Mirada Park. Dempsey lost TWO more teeth. Saoirse has lost teeth, too. An infusion a month. Two trips to Murphy Ranch Park with the doggy.

So much life has happened. Just normal life. Granted, there are still some self-imposed limits we adhere to - mainly regarding the food we consume. So many prayers prayed over our family. So many of them answered in ways we could never have imagined. Some prayers answered negatively, but we trust God's plan. Big things brewing.

God is good and faithful. If you don't know Jesus... I encourage you to meet him. He is the reason there is hope amid a cancer journey. He is the reason there is hope when this world makes no sense and seems so dark. There IS Light... that light willingly climbed up on a cross to cover your darkness with his rays of redeeming light. Nothing we can do can make him love us more... or love us less. What a gracious gift.