When I think about this journey, I feel like it's a dream and I should be waking up any minute. But the waking up never happens. Then comes the waves of grief.
But, Coral, how can you be grieving when Dempsey is thriving and done with treatment?
That's a fair question. The answer is multi-faceted.
I grieve the loss of the childhood (and life) I envisioned for him. You know, the one every parent prays for - fun in the sun, playdates, birthday parties full of cake and ice cream, eating all the things, going all the places, etc.
I grieve the loss of medical freedom. What I mean is that we will always be leary of things others never give a second thought to - a random bruise, minor leg pain, skin blemishes, low grade fevers, etc. We will always wonder if it's something simple or just the thing that is signaling another life-altering war.
I grieve my physical wellness. Stress has taken a toll on my body and it's like peeling an onion to try and regain what I had once upon a time.
I grieve "normal". Sure, our life can look normal to most. It's what you don't see about our life that shows the difference. The anxiety. The routine clinic visits. The fear. The worry. The sadness. The frustration. The anger. The emotions that rise and fall in the blink of an eye.
I grieve the years we "lost" with Dempsey. He was forced to fight for his life when most kids are fighting for first place in line at school. He was doing school in a hospital instead of a classroom. He was restricted to a handful of "safe places" he could visit while other kids have no limitations. He endured more pokes and prods than his normal peers will face in their lifetime.
It still hurts.
However, is there is great JOY in this life we live now.
We see the sun shining brighter. Laughter boils over more than tears now.
We have seen the Body of Christ act as the hands and feet of Jesus.
We have seen prayers answered in ways we don't deserve.
We have experienced God's provision for us as we took a huge leap of faith.
We have met incredible people that we would never have known if not for cancer.
I would not have Reimagine Healing if not for this journey we walked.
I would not be working toward becoming a Momma Mentor with an amazing organization to help close the community gap between hospitals and cancer families.
I would not have warrior mamas texting/ calling me to share their hearts, fears, struggles, joys, achievements, prayer requests, questions.
We have met sweet Make A Wish volunteers/ employees. We are looking at receiving a blessing (through MAW) that will provide a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were extremely blessed by a business owner who showered our family with a VIP trip to Disneyland.
It felt like Christmas everyday for months when Amazon packages kept arriving at our home.
We moved to Idaho and found freedom and relief.
We know what real struggle is - the kind that puts your life on the line - and therefore understand the depths of joy that exist.
We have deeper and stronger faith and understanding of God's Word because we spent more time in it.
We have reordered priorities.
We have had 7 months of 24/7 family time - like a mid-life retirement when our kids are still young. SO MUCH JOY!
I want you to know this...
WE COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!
Despite Dempsey being done with treatment, healing is just beginning. January 24th is when the healing really began. That's the day the daily/ weekly/ monthly poison stopped. That's the day we stopped protecting again side effects and began protecting his body from secondary effects! (60% of children who survive will suffer late effects!!) This will continue for YEARS while his body detoxes the chemotherapy and works to stay strong. We will be warding off late effects like cognitive impairment, cardiac issues, hormone imbalances, kidney trouble, social issues, respiratory complications, infertility, etc.
It still costs us about $1,000 per month to supply the necessary alternative support for Dempsey. If you are feeling generous, you can click the link above "we still need you" and it will take you to my PayPal account. I promise that your money will go into the account we have dedicated for Dempsey's health needs. We have made it this far only because of the generosity of others.
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