The setting:
A playground
3 kids, 2 are sister siblings and one of the siblings is a young cancer kid, 3rd kid is a young girl
3 parents, 1 belongs to the cancer kid and 2 belong to the non-related girl
Background:
The cancer girl has super short hair, the typical cancer look
The two siblings were playing with the third kid on the playground
The playground kid's parents were nearby
As the playground friend was leaving, she asked the CK's mom "Is she a boy or a girl?"
The girl's parents shushed her and ushered her away from the siblings.
Mom said to the parents, "It's okay." Mom told the girl, "She's a girl."
The girl started to ask, "But... why..."
The girl's parents shushed her again and told her "...don't ask things like that..."
Mom told the parents, "It's okay. Kids are honest, I appreciate that. She can ask us anything she wants."
The parents quickly disengaged and hurriedly walked their daughter away while she looked back, questions filling her mind.
This is a scene that plays out all too often in the lives of cancer families. We're not exactly sure why. Is it the fear of cancer? Do people think it's contagious? Are we so defined by HAIR that we are confused when someone doesn't have any? Do people feel pity and not know how to express it? Are people so afraid of offending someone that they don't ask the questions in their mind?
What do you think? Why do you think people stare instead of engage in meaningful conversation?
Yes, cancer kids lose their hair. Cancer patients in general often lose their hair. Granted, it depends on many factors- treatment, type of cancer, genetics, nutrition, etc...
Strangely enough, this made me think of my dad. He has always had a way of disarming people and opening/ inviting a conversation about the physical differences or state of a person. Example 1: last year, while out at dinner, a man walked in with his arm in a sling/ brace. I've seen these before. My dad, who was in line with this man, straight up asked him, "What'd you do?" The guy's eyes livened up, his posture changed, and he began to share what happened. It was a simple explanation of a torn rotator cuff requiring surgery and landing him in that sling/ brace. I was nearby and chimed in with "Well, you'll need a more exciting story than that." The guy chuckled. He knew his story wasn't glamorous but he was more than willing to share it. The interaction wasn't long or drawn out. It was a sweet and simple exchange between HUMANS. Caveat: the tone in which you ask your question will impact the outcome.
Why don't we want to engage each other in our society today? What are we so afraid of? What are we worried might happen?
My paternal grandfather was an artist at engaging others in conversation. He never saw any difference as a line of division never to cross. He loved people. He loved their stories. He had plenty of his own, too. I think I get a bit of this from him. I hope I do! I personally LOVE hearing the stories of others. It doesn't matter if the story is pretty or not. Every story matters. Sawyer has disarming qualities too. I love it! It makes introverts a little uneasy (*wink, wink) but really fires up extroverts.
I, personally, have never been offended by a child's question. Have you? I mean, you look at this little human and they ask you a question like "Why is your belly squishy?" Well, I don't know about you but my belly is squishy because I don't like exercise and I do like the wrong kinds of food. Owning that makes ME uncomfortable but has ZERO reflection on the child. They are still learning and compared to my 34 years, a 4 yr old has a long way to go! We should encourage their curiosity and question asking, not shut them down. The world will shut them down quite often... let us be a light to their hearts and answer their questions. Parents, let your child ask questions!! Don't let people's perceptions or misconceptions of you limit your child. Every question asked is a teachcable moment, a learning opportunity for the persons involved.
If I remember correctly, we were at Splash! a few years ago and there were two black ladies walking toward me and Sawyer. He made a comment about their skin color... and they heard! Gasp, right? No. I remarked something like "Yes, their skin is different than yours... isn't God so creative to create such diverse beauty?" Those women smiled and talked with us for a few minutes. It was beautiful.
SHARE YOUR STORY!! I have had so many awesome encounters because I share Dempsey's story, our journey, and I'm real about it. Don't miss out on this kind of beauty, friends.
So, I encourage you to ask people questions. Give them an out if you can, just in case they need one. It's as simple as "Why does your child not have hair? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." No harm in asking. Honestly, as someone who has had tragedy in her life, the sharing of the story is therapeutic and helpful for me. It's probably helpful for others too. Plus, it lets them know you SEE them and that they matter enough for you to communicate with them. Communication is a beautiful thing! It's how we learn. How we grow. How we can love others.
Oddly enough, the experience our friends had at the park is not one we have experienced. See, Dempsey still has 99% of his hair. I assume it's because of the nutrition he's getting from NEOLIFE supplements and our diet at home. Regardless of our lack of this experience, I feel a strong sense of solidarity. I have a cancer kid too. He still has the possibility of losing his hair- which so many identify him with. There is still such a large stigma attached to cancer and I dislike it greatly. We, as a society, need to stop focusing so much on the outside and train our eyes to see beyond the exterior and into the heart of others.
Blessings, readers.
Beautifully said!
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